The Student News Site of Pinewood School

The Perennial

The Perennial

The Perennial

Why All Sports are the Same

Why All Sports are the Same

Simon Braun, Opinion Writer November 15, 2023

      The more I get hit in the head with balls from varying sports, the more I realize how sports have ruined my life. When I walk down the hallways at Pinewood, I am constantly being pelted from...

Students Now Allowed to Overthrow Teachers in Class

Harry Yang, Opinion Writer March 30, 2023

Pinewood has implemented a few rules to increase happiness on campus. One rule designates days in which students are assigned the role of teaching. I believe that this new rule is beneficial to students...

Raghav: I Am Secretly Hannah Montana

Raghav: I Am Secretly Hannah Montana

Raghav Ramgopal, News Editor March 30, 2023

Everytime I walk on campus, I feel like a fraud. Everyone knows me as Raghav Ramgopal. The academic weapon. The person who enjoys raiding the snack shack until all of the double chocolate chip muffins...

DUMPLINGSSSSSS!!! (kinda)

DUMPLINGSSSSSS!!! (kinda)

Citing the all powerful Wiki, a dumpling is “pieces of cooked dough. . . often wrapped around a filling.” So using our cupcake batter as our tasty, crusty dough and our delicious, fresh (and definitely...

2023 Olympic Games to Be Held at UC 

Dhruv Gupta, Sports Writer March 30, 2023

When you think of the Olympics, you think of grand ceremonies, thrilling battles until the final buzzer, and competitive clashes between countries on the biggest stage on the globe. The mind-boggling madness...

Lemmon greedily poses with his laundering profits.

Lemmon the Launderer

Vishesh Ranganathan, News Writer March 30, 2023

BREAKING NEWS: Pinewood has been uncovered as a money laundering scheme. This has come as a fright to everyone except a select few faculty and staff, led by none other than Head of Upper Campus Gabriel...

Senior Vincent Chen takes a $20 bill from math teacher Scott Green after performing well on a calculus test.

Cash for Grades

Arjun Kelkar, News Writer March 30, 2023

In a shocking move that left parents and educators baffled, Head of Upper Campus Gabriel Lemmon announced a new incentive for students who achieve high grades and test scores: cold, hard cash.  “We...

Featuring Mad Scientist, Kim Hudson.

Kim Hudson, in Her Mad Scientist Era?

Rachel Farhoudi, Features Writer March 29, 2023

    A fuzzy, greenish brown, bulbous organism is sending out warning signals via its noxious stench that wafts through the halls of Pinewood. In the name of science, biology teacher Kim Hudson is harboring...

Why Having Friends is Overrated

Why Having Friends is Overrated

Esha Joshi, Features Writer March 29, 2023

Humans are social creatures. At least that’s what everyone tells you. But what if they’re wrong? What if “science” has pulled a veil over your eyes about the true nature of human relationships? It...

Three of the many student test subjects were found in a science room storage closet.

Science Experiments in Pinewood Classes Endanger Unsuspecting Students

Andrew Wang, Science and Tech Writer March 29, 2023

Science Department Chair Kim Hudson has approved an action granting faculty the authority to utilize students as human subjects in potentially life-threatening experiments. This unprecedented twist has...

Teachers Run Amok as Shakespeare Characters

Teachers Run Amok as Shakespeare Characters

Lara Parikh, Science & Tech Writer March 29, 2023

Even the most talented conspiracy theorists have not been able to understand the root of this transformation of teachers becoming Shakespeare characters, but they speculate that it has something to do...

Featuring Kim Hudson (aka Hudsonberg)

Hudsonberg’s Reign Of Terror Now Over After Arrest

Peyton Spinner, Sports Writer March 29, 2023

Is Los Altos Hills the new Albuquerque? Nearly 14 years after notorious drug kingpin Walter Hartwell White, known as Heisenberg, was caught after terrorizing the Southwest with his meth empire, another...

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