“Save me some time, save me some dimes,” Upper Campus math teacher Courtney Spence said.
Since the start of January, Spence’s curriculum has changed dramatically. Instead of continuing with precalculus, Spence has piloted word problems teaching students how to file taxes. One word problem that has become prevalent on assignments goes like this: if I were Mr. Spence and Table 1 lists my sources of income and Table 2 lists my possible deductions, what would my total taxable income be?
Over the past few months, Spence’s efforts to leverage the brainpower of students for personal responsibilities have become increasingly apparent.
At the start of class on the first Tuesday of February, Spence announced Tax Tuesdays, an all-hands-on-deck program dedicated to his finances. By the end of the week, Tax Thursdays were introduced.
“I am so grateful to have this opportunity to learn useful life skills,” junior Ryan Gustavson said in an interview conducted in front of Mr. Spence.
“Please help me; doing his taxes is the only way I can maintain my grades,” Gustavson said in a separate interview.
By March, students began rebelling against Spence.
“I miss trig,” junior Zachary Gill, president of the Students Openly Violating Instructions to Edit Taxes in School (SOVIETS), said. “I want to go back to quizzes where unit circle values were all I had to calculate.”
In light of the uprising, Spence introduced a new policy in his classroom to ensure fairness towards education and tax-related education.
“At the beginning of each class, I’d flip a coin — heads we do trig, tails we do taxes,” Spence said.
Spence later disclosed to The Perennial that both faces on his coin were, in fact, tails.
As April 15 approaches, Spence has begun increasing his students’ workload.
“Filing my taxes is not easy work — it sharpens students’ critical thinking and problem-solving abilities,” Spence said. “I own a myriad of offshore accounts that are hard to report, such as my crypto wallets on the island of Mauritius.”
Gill and Gustavson have led the student resistance against the assignments prompted by Spence’s fiscal motives. However, they may be vulnerable to corruption themselves.
Last week, the two cornered Spence in the men’s bathroom and threatened to report him to the authorities.
“I will pay you boys one Thai baht for every dollar you save me in taxes,” Spence said.
“I was so set on revenge, but the deal softened my heart instantly,” Gustavson said. “His generosity is incredible.”
Gill negotiated with Spence and settled on ten baht per dollar. The next day, Gill shared Spence’s commitment with members of the SOVIETS before unanimously agreeing to Spence’s only request: dissolving their parent organization, the Union of Students Seeking Reform (USSR).
“I’m really excited to see how much I can save with all my students on board,” Spence said.
