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The Perennial

Seniors Shoutout Teachers That Impacted Them

Seniors Shoutout Teachers That Impacted Them

Esha Joshi, Features Writer May 2, 2023

From patiently guiding us through phonics sets in kindergarten to explaining complicated formulas, and from mediating arguments between stubborn eight-year-olds to checking in with  stressed-out high...

Featuring Mad Scientist, Kim Hudson.

Kim Hudson, in Her Mad Scientist Era?

Rachel Farhoudi, Features Writer March 29, 2023

    A fuzzy, greenish brown, bulbous organism is sending out warning signals via its noxious stench that wafts through the halls of Pinewood. In the name of science, biology teacher Kim Hudson is harboring...

Three of the many student test subjects were found in a science room storage closet (featuring Karina Aronson, Simon Braun, and Colin Ternus).

Science Experiments in Pinewood Classes Endanger Unsuspecting Students

Andrew Wang, Science and Tech Writer March 29, 2023

Science Department Chair Kim Hudson has approved an action granting faculty the authority to utilize students as human subjects in potentially life-threatening experiments. This unprecedented twist has...

Teachers Run Amok as Shakespeare Characters

Teachers Run Amok as Shakespeare Characters

Lara Parikh, Science & Tech Writer March 29, 2023

Even the most talented conspiracy theorists have not been able to understand the root of this transformation of teachers becoming Shakespeare characters, but they speculate that it has something to do...

Featuring Kim Hudson (aka Hudsonberg)

Hudsonberg’s Reign Of Terror Now Over After Arrest

Peyton Spinner, Sports Writer March 29, 2023

Is Los Altos Hills the new Albuquerque? Nearly 14 years after notorious drug kingpin Walter Hartwell White, known as Heisenberg, was caught after terrorizing the Southwest with his meth empire, another...

Students Crash the Hemm/Jezak Wedding

Students Crash the Hemm/Jezak Wedding

Christina Tanase, News Writer March 29, 2023

Beloved history teacher Sam Jezak and Assistant Head of Upper Campus Haley Hemm recently tied the knot in Santa Cruz, California. Originally planning a small, intimate wedding ceremony in a picturesque...

Featuring Whitney Wood.

P.E. Alters Curriculum to Prepare for Netflix Show

Kathleen Xie, Features Writer March 29, 2023

Picture a room with sleek black marble floors, professional cinema cameras in every corner, suspenseful music playing, and a line of burly Pinewood students flexing their muscles. This is what the Pinewood...

Hamilton: Hamilton in Hamilton

Hamilton: Hamilton in Hamilton

Mailey Wang, Features Writer March 29, 2023

 “Alexander Hamilton. My name is Alexander Hamilton. And there’s a million things I haven’t done.” While there are a million things math teacher Stuart Hamilton hasn’t done, one thing he...

Featuring Haggai Mark.

Artificial Intelligence Takes Mr. Mark’s Job

Rohan Parasnis, Science & Tech Writer March 29, 2023

In a shocking turn of events, computer science teacher Haggai Mark has been replaced by a robot powered by artificial intelligence (AI) and has been relieved of his teaching duties. The decision was made...

Pinewood Teachers & Disney

Pinewood Teachers & Disney

Aeron Lo, Illustrator March 29, 2023

Protecting the Pojo Perch®

Protecting the Pojo Perch®

Sophia Yao, Opinion Editor March 29, 2023

Pinewood literature teacher Ellie Pojarska has officially copyrighted her iconic Pojo Perch®. The Pojo Perch® is Pojarska’s infamous sitting position on the back of her chair. Since the name was coined...

Featuring Frisbee Fiend, Eric Schreiber

Someone Plays Ultimate At Pinewood?

Brandon Ge, Sports Writer March 28, 2023

It’s a classic American sport. It involves throwing and catching an object. It features touchdowns. I am talking, of course, about the ever-so-relevant, universally loved and admired sport of ultimate...

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