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The Perennial

Is the Staff Room Just a Family Reunion?

Welze, Wells and Wells on Growing Up Together, Competition and Familial Trauma
Gabby Yang

 As Lizzo once said, “All the rumors are true.” The three Wells at Pinewood are related. English teachers David Wells and Patricia Welze and Director of Communications Katy Wells are all connected by blood. 

   As it turns out, David Wells and Welze are siblings, while Katy Wells is their dad’s brother’s son’s dog walkers’ wife’s cousin thrice removed.

   “Finding each other and working together in the same establishment while having a connection by blood is so truly special,” Welze said. “I have especially missed seeing my dad’s brother’s son’s dog walker.”

   While growing up together, Welze and David Wells would often get involved in quarrels. Their mother would do everything to keep them from fighting. She would even bribe them with the opportunity to be able to eat vegetables, however, nothing would work. 

   “When we were little, our mom would have to rip us apart from each other when fighting,” David Wells said. “One time I broke Patty’s arm, but it is okay because my mom never figured out it was me.”

 As Welze and David Wells grew up, they spent a lot of time together, which led them to have many similar interests. They both developed a love for theater, so they ended up having the same major. Their dad used to read them books about feet every night, therefore, David Wells and Welze’s love for literature only grew as they got older. After attending Saratoga High School, they both went to the University of California at San Diego to pursue theater. Even though they were able to get closer in college, this decision also ended up leading to the tragic hero downfall of their relationship. It all started the day before the play.

“I regret my decision in what I did that day; it was immature on my part and I let jealousy get in the way of my emotions,” David Wells said.

            Welze is allergic to peanut butter. One night, David Wells was upset that Welze received the role of Willy Wonka instead of him, so he put peanut butter in her food the day before the play. Since David Wells was the understudy, he would get the role. Not only did Welze have to rush to the hospital, but she was covered in hives and swelling up. After she found out the truth, she decided that she couldn’t identify with him anymore and changed the spelling of her last name from “Wells” to “Welze.” She knew this wasn’t enough, so she started thinking of a way to get him back. 

   “I felt betrayed that my own brother would lack this much respect, so I called Katy to help me get him back,” Welze said.

   She talked to Katy Wells about how she needed to get revenge on her traitorous brother. Welze had recently got a job at Pinewood School where her brother, David Wells, applied and got in as well. Welze was furious about having to work with her brother, so she told Katy about the job opening of Communications Director. Even though Katy Wells was majoring in Physics and knew nothing about communications, she was willing to help her relative out. Katy Wells then applied for the job and got in, giving her the perfect opportunity to take action.

   “My goal was to pry all the gossip about David Wells and then dramatically exploit his weaknesses in front of everyone,” Katy Wells said. “I haven’t decided if I am going to dump neon green slime on him or mud.”

   Katy Wells was ready and constantly eavesdropped on other teachers to try and find something interesting. She even hid a small camera behind the bookshelf and constantly watch his every move. However, this plan wasn’t as easy as she thought it would be.

   “Don’t get me wrong, I love the Pinewood teachers, but all they talk about is school and what shows they are watching,” Katy Wells said. “The most interesting secret I learned about David Wells is that his guilty pleasure show is The Bachelor.”

   To this day, Katy Wells hasn’t found something to get him back, leaving the conflict between Welze and David Wells unresolved. David Wells eventually apologized for his lack of maturity and promised to be more civil from that point on. However, Welze did not accept his apology and couldn’t move on from what he did. The reason why they haven’t brought up the fact that they are related is because of this conflict that still lies between them.

   “People say to forgive and forget, but I will never forget the fact that I never got to wear Willy Wonka’s big, stylish hat,” Welze said.

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