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The Perennial

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Student Protest Causes Chaos

Pinewood Students Demand Equal Rights for all Numbers
Sophia Lee

   On Tuesday at 2:19 p.m., students from math teacher Stuart Hamilton’s C period pre-calculus class abandoned their trigonometry tests to protest around Pinewood, demanding equal rights for all numbers in their math class.

   Planning for the protest started five days prior when junior Jonathan Detkin decided that society prefers fractions and integers and marginalizes less popular numbers such as imaginary and irrational numbers. Over the next 48 hours, rage brewed inside of Detkin until he felt compelled to take action.

   “It’s simply unfair,” Detkin said. “Every digit deserves to be treated with respect and equality, regardless of the number’s properties.”

   Two days later, Detkin decided to spread this mathematical equality propaganda across the school, which deeply resonated with junior Caroline Blotter.

   “Equal rights are so prevalent, especially in today’s society,” Blotter said. “According to the 14th Amendment, all numbers need equal rights.”

   Detkin, seeing Blotter’s passion for equality for all numbers, decided to include Blotter in his plan to secretly devise a silent protest during their C period pre-calculus test, calling for equality for all numbers.

   When math teacher Sara Dorset heard about this, she loved the idea and wanted to join the cause to make a difference.

   “Yeah chat, I’ve been feeling like this for years,” Dorset said. “I know I felt like this in high school, so seeing students stand up for this is amazing. I feel like I’m living vicariously through Jonathan and Caroline.”

   When the protest started, Detkin and Blotter left their test, marched down to the main office, and refused to budge from their seated position. They held signs saying, “All numbers matter” and “Discrimination is so 2019!” Dorset, joining in, held a sign saying, “End numeric discrimination now!”

   Inspired by their classmates standing up for their beliefs, Hamilton’s C period class dismissed themselves to join the rebellious group of protesters by the office.

   As news spread about Detkin’s movement, all Upper Campus students fled their classrooms and joined in the protest. The protest turned out to be the biggest controversy in school history alongside the Ocean Ambassador Club’s oil dump scandal and the parking lot hedge maze, involving all students enrolled in Pinewood Upper Campus and most teachers.

   Hamilton was in complete shock at the unrest. The protest provoked an overflow of rage in him, eventually causing him to contemplate whether he had accidentally misstepped into a parallel universe where math demonstrations were the norm.

   “Oh man,” Hamilton said. “I’m not in agreement. I’m all for students speaking up and exercising their First Amendment rights, but not during my test. It’s not fair. It just ain’t so.”

   Students protested overnight until the 3 p.m. dismissal bell rang the next day. Detkin and Blotter felt proud, knowing they made a difference.

   “We’re not just fighting for ourselves, but for future students,” Detkin said, “Every number has its place in the mathematical ecosystem, and it’s our responsibility to make sure all numbers are respected and treated equally.”

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