Following the impressive box office success of “Marty Supreme,” actor Timothée Chalamet is searching for new ways to shock critics. In collaboration with Chalamet, luxury Los Angeles grocery chain Erewhon is releasing a brand new smoothie flavor: The Sweaty Chalamet. The flavor honors Chalamet’s latest project, “Marty Supreme,” a biopic in which Chalamet plays Marty Mauser, a competitive ping-pong player whose physical activity works up quite the sweat. The collab is dropping just in time for spring, giving Los Angelenos a refreshing beverage to combat the oppressive California heat.
Each smoothie contains an ounce of genuine Chalamet sweat harvested through a complex process. First, Chalamet dons 10 layers of dense apparel. Then, he enters an industrial sauna. As his body responds to the extreme temperature, the clothing becomes drenched in secretions. The sweat is then harvested by Erewhon employees who wring out the soaked clothing like wet laundry. The sweat adds notes of pretentiousness, hints of ego, and a poignant base of salt(y that he lost the Oscar for Best Actor), experimenting with unconventional flavors.
“Other celebrities have collabed with Erewhon before, but no one has been willing to embarrass themselves quite as much as I am,” Chalamet said. “It’s definitely paying off — I’ve made a bajillion more dollars than any movie has paid me.”
Despite past soirées with odd characters and films, Chalamet’s stint as smoothie designer exposes his true lack of dignity. Some even question if this collaboration is the result of a Hollywood cult hazing ritual. Chalamet parried these rumors in an exclusive interview, claiming the collaboration actually began when he awoke, covered in sweat, from a smoothie-themed nightmare.
“I realized that smoothies didn’t have to be the enemy,” Chalamet said. “They have incredible potential as a marketing tool.”
Chalamet harnessed his prophetic vision, reaching out to Erewhon’s advertising department with the idea to work together on a new flavor.
“I had my manager reach out to them and demand they speak to me,” Chalamet said. “I knew the girls and gays of Los Angeles would jump at the opportunity to drink me, so I knew they’d be open to working with me.”
Some Pinewood students found themselves captivated by the marketing campaign, driving hours to Los Angeles just to taste test the Sweaty Chalamet.
“As a French student, I love seeing French culture in the mainstream and wanted to support that kind of representation,” junior Lucas Guan said. “And I’ve always secretly wanted to taste Timothée Chalamet’s sweat.”
Sophomore Nerea Amezcua, another French student, went with Guan and noted his unusual reaction to the smoothie.
“A group of us drove down to Erewhon to try the smoothie,” Amezcua said. “Everyone agreed it was pretty good, but Lucas was so into it that he squealed, ‘Ooh la la!’ and collapsed into the splits.”
The Sweaty Chalamet represents a growing need for creative, unexpected marketing. Hollywood is done with Rhode collabs and Gap ads: sweat smoothies are the new future.
