The Student News Site of Pinewood School

The Perennial

The Perennial

The Perennial

Lemmon greedily poses with his laundering profits.

Lemmon the Launderer

Vishesh Ranganathan, News Writer March 30, 2023

BREAKING NEWS: Pinewood has been uncovered as a money laundering scheme. This has come as a fright to everyone except a select few faculty and staff, led by none other than Head of Upper Campus Gabriel...

Senior Vincent Chen takes a $20 bill from math teacher Scott Green after performing well on a calculus test.

Cash for Grades

Arjun Kelkar, News Writer March 30, 2023

In a shocking move that left parents and educators baffled, Head of Upper Campus Gabriel Lemmon announced a new incentive for students who achieve high grades and test scores: cold, hard cash.  “We...

Science Experiments in Pinewood Classes Endanger Unsuspecting Students

Andrew Wang, Science and Tech Writer March 29, 2023

Science Department Chair Kim Hudson has approved an action granting faculty the authority to utilize students as human subjects in potentially life-threatening experiments. This unprecedented twist has...

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