Our planet today faces hundreds of thousands of issues: global warming, poverty, hunger. But above all, one devastating crisis continues to be overlooked: wasted height. 

   Consider this a public service announcement to all of you 6-foot-tall individuals like junior Kadin Islamov (ahem) who have the audacity to not play (or be good at) a court sport. Other than utter disappointment, all I have for you is one simple question: is your time so valuable that you’re voluntarily wasting it buried under books and pursuing extremely unrealistic hobbies like chess and drawing? 

   I mean, let’s be serious for just one moment. You could be utilizing that time doing something actually meaningful, like shooting a basketball, hitting a volleyball, or at the very least, act as a human meat shield on the court. But no. Instead, you have made the life altering decision to completely abandon your genetic potential. 

   Meanwhile, real athletes like sophomore Abigail Yew and junior Lucas Neri are here scraping together what they’ve got, praying every night for just a couple inches of extra height. Yet, here is Islamov choosing to spend all his extra hours…well…reading. 

   Disgraceful. Truly disgraceful.

   Just when you may have thought it couldn’t possibly get any worse, it does. Somehow, the unimaginable occurs: a 6-foot-3 male athlete who does play a sport still manages to disappoint us all.

   Jake Reynders: the “soccer” player. 

   That’s right. Reynders was gifted with the vertical advantage of a stop sign, the height of a Christmas tree, and the overall physique of someone who should be dunking on a basketball hoop. But instead, he chose a sport where the one rule is to kick? If that isn’t a cry for help, I don’t know what is. 

   The true root of the problem is not necessarily the individuals who are mindlessly throwing their lives away, it’s society as a whole. Between all the hardship and struggle, humans have grown accustomed to a world where wasted height is not just accepted, but highly valued. Society praises hoaxes like “academic achievement” and “creativity,” which completely undermines the raw strengths and ability to catch a rebound or roof a spike. 

   So please, if you don’t want your height, at least have the decency to save some for the rest of us who will actually put it to good use. For the time being, society will continue to suffer from the result of your actions.