If self-love is wrong, Derrick Harris doesn’t want to be right.
Born at a young age, Harris quickly developed a reputation of talking about himself. His favorite pastime was coming home from a long day of school, sitting down in front of his seven mirrors, and reflecting on his greatness.
“It’s been nice but kind of hard being better than everyone else,” Harris said. “I just want everyone to be able to understand my superiority.”
And that they do, whether it’s posting constant outfit-of-the-day posts or seven-frame Instagram video collages of him unpacking his afternoons, the public can definitely hear him.
“Some [people] call me self-absorbed or narcissistic.” Harris said while updating his “me” highlight on Instagram. “I just know my worth”
Unfortunately for him (and fortunately for the public), his reign of terror and self-obsession came to an abrupt end after a health scare. Doctors identified a genetic abnormality during a routine checkup in 2020, and Harris was diagnosed with a rare condition called SMBT 08 or Small Mouth Big Throat Syndrome. Thankfully, because of this condition his life expectancy decreases by one day each time he speaks. He lost an entire year because of this interview.
“I was devastated. Not for myself, but for the people. They need my voice,” Harris said.
People were teary-eyed when they found out about his diagnosis. However, a Pinewood poll claims that students and faculty broke out into cries of happiness rather than sadness. Harris rejected the inclusion of any witness statements.
In order to keep his voice alive while doctors search for a cure, he now writes about himself in excruciating detail in The Perennial. Due to a large number of complaints, he was quickly banned from doing this.
“It’s their loss,” Harris said. “They are losing one of the best voices of our generation.”
