Two Pinewood students and one faculty member have been hospitalized due to imbibing tadpole-infested water from the on-campus water fountains. The Santa Clara County Public Health Department (SCCPHD) is urging all Upper Campus community members and certain Los Altos Hills residents to drink bottled water until further notice.
The department is investigating the origin of the mysterious tadpole outbreak, reaching out to local frogs to ask if they’re missing any children.
“After hearing about Pinewood’s tadpole issue, I’m hugging my babies extra tight tonight,” a Los Altos frog mother said. “I’m wishing the affected frog family the best of luck in reuniting with their children, and I hope the surviving tadpoles can escape Pinewood before they’re eaten.”
Tadpoles have not been detected in California since the 1600s, when witches fleeing the Salem witch trials took shelter in the West. They cursed the local water sources with swarms of tadpoles, leading to numerous deaths by tadpole-choking. The symptoms currently sweeping Pinewood include slimy skin, a sudden switch to tadpole-language, and unnatural insect cravings. The SCCPHD urges anyone experiencing these symptoms to check in to a hospital immediately.
Treatment involves a minimally invasive procedure in which the infected is hung upside down until the tadpoles leap out of their throat. So far, the three Pinewood community members affected have been hanging upside-down for a week straight.
Among these students is freshman Lawrence Chu, who noted that his tadpole infection has been a deeply traumatic experience.
“I took a sip of water from a fountain during P.E. one day,” Chu said. “The next day, I suddenly needed a nice crunchy fly to munch on. I tried telling my Mom I wanted flies for dinner, but all she heard was ‘shloop shlip shlop.’”
Director of Facilities Raul Lopez has been completely overwhelmed by the constant sanitation needs of his students since the outbreak.
“Every time someone with tadpoles in their throats comes to my office for help, I have to dig out my tadpole translation dictionary to decode what they’re asking of me,” Lopez said. “One student suddenly stuck his tongue out and caught a fly that landed on my dictionary, and now it’s all wet and slimy.”
Those who were hospitalized from the outbreak include Spanish teacher Monica Llagaria, freshman Shanku Parameswaran, and eighth grader Tor Schnitman. They have undergone the proper dangling upside-down therapy and are now in recovery.
In a statement to students, Head of Upper Campus Eve Kulbieda provided an optimistic outlook on the situation.
“As we provide sympathy to the human and frog communities, we must take the proper precautions to protect ourselves,” Kulbieda said. “I hope the Los Altos human mayor and frog mayor can work together to resolve the issue as soon as possible.”
