The Student News Site of Pinewood School

The Perennial

The Perennial

The Perennial

Featuring Haggai Mark.

Artificial Intelligence Takes Mr. Mark’s Job

Rohan Parasnis, Science & Tech Writer March 29, 2023

In a shocking turn of events, computer science teacher Haggai Mark has been replaced by a robot powered by artificial intelligence (AI) and has been relieved of his teaching duties. The decision was made...

Featuring British Spy and American wannabe Prisha Mohapatra.

Prisha Apologizes on Behalf of the British

Prisha Mohapatra, Opinion Writer March 28, 2023

Dear Pinewood, The last couple of weeks have taken a tremendous toll on me, and I have decided to express my feelings in this letter to the Pinewood community. I must admit that my secret has been revealed....

Mei is Not An Arsonist

Mei is Not An Arsonist

Mei Miyahara, Features Writer March 28, 2023

On a random Thursday at approximately 6:53 p.m., I came to a very sudden revelation: the vast majority of my friends, family, and acquaintances were under the impression that I, a self-proclaimed history...

Ocean Ambassadors Club Oil Dump Scandal

Ocean Ambassador’s Club Oil Dump Scandal

Simon Braun, Opinion Writer March 28, 2023

On Mar. 15, 2023, numerous documents were discovered among the possessions of  Assistant Head of Upper Campus Haley Hemm. They indicate direct involvement in the Oceans Ambassador’s cover up of the...

Pinewoods Updated Alien Apocalypse Protocol

Pinewood’s Updated Alien Apocalypse Protocol

Violet Negrette, News Writer March 28, 2023

When watching an alien apocalyptic movie, have you ever asked yourself why the main characters are so comically underprepared and doomed from the start? Head of Upper Campus Gabriel Lemmon has asked himself...

Dasani Water Changed My Life

Dasani Water Changed My Life

Jamie Burton, Opinion Writer March 28, 2023

I remember that night well. I recall the man with the eye-patch and the silence of the park. I was hardly four and a half. The sole light that illuminated the park bench was starting to flicker, and my...

Social Media Causes Teenage Isolation

Social Media Causes Teenage Isolation

Prisha Mohapatra, Staff Writer March 1, 2023

“[Teenagers] love being social and love the positive feelings they get when they’re talking to their friends, so they look to social media to provide that for them,” sophomore Michael Shtrom said. For...

The Purpose of NATO Has Shifted

Harry Yang, Staff Writer February 28, 2023

As devastation rains upon the fields of Ukraine, strategists from the North Atlantic Treaty Organization meet in Brussels and discuss the escalating crisis in Ukraine. They hold a summit about the humanitarian...

Cross Country: Going The Extra Mile

Cross Country: Going The Extra Mile

Violet Negrette, Staff Writer February 28, 2023

My feet ache as a torrent of pain washes down my legs, and another bead of sweat slowly crawls down to settle on my already-glistening face. The repetition of step after step starts to fade in and out...

Good Soup: A Meals Redemption

Good Soup: A Meal’s Redemption

Jamie Burton, Opinion Writer February 28, 2023

The light sobbing continued on for most of the night. At last, from deep within the confines of the Panera Bread kitchen, there came a final exhale, a hopeless plea of frustration and regret. There lay...

TikTok Is A Waste of Your Time

Simon Braun, Staff Writer February 26, 2023

There are few things in life more useless than a philosophy major. One of those things is TikTok. TikTok, the incredibly popular social media website, has taken the internet by storm. Walking around the...

The Magic and Mediocrity of Puss In Boots

The Magic and Mediocrity of Puss In Boots

Jamie Burton, Opinion Writer January 31, 2023

I have not slept right for three weeks. The enigma of “Puss in Boots: The Last Wish” has consumed me. It was supposed to be a throw-away sequel to a dying franchise; instead, it has become one of the...

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