For young adults across the country, getting hired for your first job holds an alluring promise of freedom akin to learning how to drive or leaving for college. But what about those unlucky few who are chronically unemployed? Who’s looking out for them?
Don’t you worry! Thankfully, I am. As someone who is totally employed and has never been ghosted by a hiring manager (at two different Peet’s locations, four times in a row), I am probably the most reliable source you’ll get. So without further ado, here are some foolproof tips to getting the job of your dreams.
- Be picky about applications.
You might have heard that, since this is your first real job and you have no experience, you can’t be choosy about where you want to work. This is a lie marketed by places like Shake Shack (which I’ve definitely never been ghosted by) where no one wants to work. You should only apply to the stores or restaurants you personally enjoy frequenting. It’s a win-win; the store gets a knowledgeable, enthusiastic employee, and you get a bunch of free stuff you actually want to use. If this means you have to narrow down your choices to, say, one store, so be it. They’ll recognize your self-respect and want you even more.
- Channel your inner FBI agent.
Let’s cut the BS. It’s the 21st century; you grew up with the Internet, you know how to online-stalk people (even if you pretend like you never do). It’s time to put those skills to something useful. Find the social media profiles of everyone even remotely connected to your potential employer, and memorize facts about their lives that you can hint at during your interview. After all, which hiring manager doesn’t love a persistent employee who knows how to creatively use the tools at hand? “You went to school in SoCal? Oh my gosh, I love the beach!” Boom: You guys have an emotional bond. You’re hired.
- Embrace the power of denial.
Denial: a river in Egypt, the first stage of grief and a handy mindset to have when applying for jobs. If you’re incapable of processing rejection, you’ll go about life without experiencing any, and that applies to the job market. Getting ghosted after sending in your application is an inevitable experience in today’s economy, but most people would simply take that as a rejection — be better. Send a follow-up email, then call the store, then call again, then go in person and ask for the manager. They’ll love your determination and hire you on the spot (after five calls).
