Prisha Apologizes on Behalf of the British


Riya Kolappa

Featuring British Spy and American wannabe Prisha Mohapatra.

Prisha Mohapatra, Opinion Writer

Dear Pinewood,

The last couple of weeks have taken a tremendous toll on me, and I have decided to express my feelings in this letter to the Pinewood community. I must admit that my secret has been revealed. I have yet to uncover which one of you pesky traitors leaked my true identity, but whoever you are, you will pay for it.

On March 17, I was called out of my AP World History class to go to Head of Upper Campus Gabriel Lemmon’s office. I still remember how my palms grew sweaty as I made the daunting trek up the hallway and into his office. I tried to recall everything that I could have possibly done wrong. Accidentally spilling glitter all over the Murphy Patio? No, I cleaned that up before anyone noticed. Filling the bathroom sinks with mini Shakespeare replicas for Literature Week? Nah, that was just light fun. Skipping the lunch line too many times? Then, it hit me!

Only a few days prior to the fateful day of my suspension, I was in the lunch line, eager to get to my Journalism meeting. Lemmon was there to express a subtle concern.

“Prisha, skipping the line again?” Lemmon questioned. “Do you have something to tell me? You have an awful lot on your plate with all those clubs you’re a part of.”

Although his question was rather commonplace, I knew by the look on his face that he was onto me. 

By the time I arrived at his office, Lemmon was sternly waiting for me.

“It has been brought to my attention that many of your recent actions have triggered sentiments of suspicion amongst our faculty and students,” Lemmon said. “Never mind your glitter fiasco or little stunt with the Shakespeare replicas. Until we further investigate the reasons behind your constant lurking in the corner of the office or hiding behind the fridges in the Snack Shack, we hope you understand that we have reported you to the authorities, as we fear for the safety of our community.”

To avoid expulsion from this community, I guess I must admit my felony. Pinewood, here is my confession: at the ripe age of 12, Queen Elizabeth II handpicked and sent me and other highly qualified kids who had watched the movie “Spy Kids” far too many times across the pond to spy on the civilians of America. I am a spy for the British. The queen was on a quest to discover the reasons for why America was producing more Nobel Prize winners than the United Kingdom. For those of you wondering, yes, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were indeed part of our squad and led us in our endeavors.

With the queen’s death, our mission was leaked, and I have recently discovered that someone who I called a friend was working on behalf of the American authorities to keep an eye on me. 

SALLY KING, I will never forgive you.

Mr. Lemmon, I hope that this public confession redeems me and allows me back on Pinewood Upper Campus.

Upper Campus community, I assure you that I have cut off all ties with the British agencies and plan on being a better individual for the safety of our community.

Sincerely, Prisha