The smell of human flesh filled Room 19 at Upper Campus as 11th grade Biology students lay sprawled across the blood-covered classroom. Mere minutes earlier, the 10 juniors in Monica Ventrice’s B period Biology class were conducting the dissection of an anaconda that Ventrice had picked up the day prior as roadkill. 

   Known for her legendary roadkill finds such as the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, and a Hippogriff Ventrice’s discovery of the 30-foot reptile was nothing out of the ordinary. However, in her attempts to iNaturalize the massive snake the night prior, Ventrice overlooked the shallow breaths of the behemoth, a warning for the looming massacre.

   Thinking the creature was dead, Ventrice placed it into an eco-friendly, sustainable, and vegan bag for transport to school. Hours later, she unwrapped the creature in front of stunned students and presented the upcoming experiment to them.

   “Let’s get to work!” Ventrice said. “We have to slice the snake vertically in order to collect its poop samples. Green Coalition is trying to make a healthy snack made completely from animal feces!”

   While Ventrice’s intentions weren’t malicious, the result of the experiment was disastrous. In the deadliest Pinewood disaster since the 2019 Monterey Bay Aquarium field trip, where all 54 of Ventrice’s students were swept away in the high tide, the 11 people in her classroom, including herself, were dead in seconds.

   The chaos began when junior Sophia Lee poked the snake’s eye with her apple pencil while she was completing her illustrations for Journalism at the last minute, per usual. In an instant, the beast arose from its slumber and snatched the head of Lee, a competitive dancer, cleanly off her body. The students stood petrified, suddenly realizing their fate, as the snake reared its ugly head for a massive blow towards the remaining students. 

   In a last-ditch effort to escape the colossal beast, junior Dhruv Gupta, known for his announcement of vegetarian lunch options on the morning announcements, sprinted for the side door. Unfortunately, just as he did with basketball all season, he fumbled the doorknob multiple times and died seconds later.

   Gupta’s fate was identical to the rest of his classmates. After 15 minutes of deadly shrieks and high pitched squeals, passerby junior Zaiden Saberi called Animal Control, who finally  tranquilized the anaconda. However, the damage had already been done. 11 Pinewoodians had been slain, and the community has never been the same since. If only Ventrice had learned to block out distractions on her phone the way she tells her students to, Pinewood wouldn’t have lost its favorite dancer and vegetarian, among eight other students crucial to the tight-knit community.

   “Honestly, I don’t really care,” Saberi said in regard to the tragedy. “Mrs. Ventrice was always doing too much about her phone policy. What do you mean I can’t send snaps during labs and unit tests?”