Brainrot-24 has been reported at Pinewood, marking the debilitating disease’s introduction to the Bay Area.
You may have heard of the brain-eating amoeba that lives in stillwater; well, I regret to inform you that there’s a new brain-decaying disease spreading around called “Brainrot-24.” Initially coined by the popular dance app TikTok, Brainrot-24 became classified by the World Health Organization as a pandemic in mid-2024. According to several recent studies, its transmissibility is comparable to that of COVID-19.
Although not fatal, it has been seen to infect specific parts of the brain specializing in language and communication, including the cerebrum, Broca’s area, and Werinecke’s area. However, information on Brainrot-24 is still limited, and we can expect the list of affected areas to increase with time. Individuals infected with Brainrot-24 have all reported the same debilitating symptom: the inability to control one’s vocabulary, instead using strange words such as “skibidi” and “rizz” involuntarily.
Its direct cause is still a mystery but has been associated with an inordinate dependence on one’s phone, including a positive association with higher screen time numbers and phone usage.
Ironically, Pinewood’s renowned English department is almost unrecognizable after the infectious pandemic. Through great effort, we were able to safely interview several infected Pinewood English teachers about their experiences with Brainrot-24.
English Department Head Patricia Welze reports on her symptoms.
“It’s not skibidi,” Welze said. “I didn’t even try to say skibidi there, but I can’t control it! It’s truly an alpha’s worst nightmare. It happened again!”
British Literature teacher Eric Schreiber remarks on when he first started noticing his symptoms appearing.
“You see, it started small so I thought nothing of it,” Schreiber said. “I was just going about my day, getting a cup of tea, when I found myself using words like ‘fanum tax’ and ‘mogging.’ Safe to say, I was horrified.”
AP English Language teacher David Wells laments over the inability to use his favorite literary devices, particularly chiasmus.
“I can’t even say my favorite usage of chiasmus,” Wells said. “Ask not what Ohio can mog for you, but what you can mog for Ohio. See, it doesn’t even have the same ring to it. It’s simply an L.”
While a vaccine has not yet been found for Brainrot-24, doctors suggest going outside and reconnecting with nature to lessen symptoms.
