Schoology has been sneakily praying on our downfalls, strategically laying down traps for Pinewood teachers to fall into. As someone with a last name that starts with the letter “R”, I’ve often wondered if this gives me a disadvantage in the grading process. If your last name also falls toward the end of the alphabet, you can blame your ancestry for any seemingly undeserved bad grades you’ve received.

   In what is a gut-wrenching revelation, it turns out that students’ struggle for academic success may not come down to only intelligence, but rather also the order of the alphabet — with the help of Schoology. This shocking phenomenon, which I refer to as the “Last Name Supremacy,” has infiltrated Pinewood Upper Campus, subconsciously influencing Pinewood teachers.

   English teacher Ellie Pojarska, who has broken free from Schoology’s grip and realized its sinister influence, speaks on the matter.

   “If you’re grading assignments in Schoology, things pop up in alphabetical order,” Pojarska said.

   Although this feature of Schoology may appear innocent and practical for teachers, it is in fact a diabolical ploy designed to favor the “Andersons” and “Barnes” of the world, while leaving the “Wilsons” and “Zieglers” in the dust. 

   You may not believe me, but studies have shown that students with last names appearing later in the alphabet consistently receive lower grades, due to unavoidable factors such as fatigue from teachers.

   In an interview with the Hechinger Report, Helen Wang — the lead author of such study and a doctoral student at the University of Michigan’s business school — summarizes her findings.

   “There is such a tendency of graders to give lower grades as they grade more,” Wang said.

   “Surnames starting with U to Z were docked a little more than half a point on a 100-point scale compared with A to E surnames,” Wang said.

   Although the conclusion of these findings may seem rather insignificant, this docking can add up and translate into the difference between an A minus and a B plus on a final grade.

   I’ve come to believe that Schoology is manipulating the grading process, with Pinewood teachers subconsciously falling victim to its traps by grading in the oh-so-convenient alphabetical order.

   “Now that I’m aware of it, I’m trying to mix [the way I grade] up,” Pojarska said.

   But is it too late? Schoology’s damage has already been done through its reinforcement of grading alphabetically, and awareness must be spread before more students suffer from accidental bias.  

   So, the next time you look at your grades, ask yourself: am I the problem? I can assure you — you are not. Stay vigilant, Schoology is always watching.