Mens college basketball is one of the most exciting forms of basketball: the endless potential of the players, the controversy, the close games, the buzzer beaters… is what I would say if I were lying. I hate mens college basketball. The more accurate type of basketball that fits these descriptors are womens college basketball.
You may be thinking, ‘Why are you so bitter? What did mens college basketball ever do to you?’ The answer is simple: mens collegiate basketball reminds me of the average Hulu TV show. I search for ages and find the show for me. I get invested, infatuated, and obsessed – I even find an entire fanbase full of character edits. It is love at first sight, but I quickly become blindsided when the show gets canceled. My hopes, dreams, and life’s goals are stomped on, ripped apart, and thrown into a wood chipper. I want to write strongly-worded letters to the producers, but I never do. This is my angry letter to mens college basketball.
I remember it like it was yesterday: Duke’s 2018-2019 mens basketball team. Duke undergraduates RJ Barrett and Zion Williamson were my favorite players. I watched them battle spectacular competitors like Bol Bol, Ja Morant, and Darius Garland. Once again, I did not know the end was coming. As their season came to an end, an ESPN text broke up with me. Zion Williamson and RJ Barrett declared for the NBA draft. My heart, alongside Regina George, was hit by a bus. I no longer had any interest in the freshman year situationship that was mens college basketball.
My life was restored by womens college basketball. Womens college basketball is the Jess to my Rory, the rich to my baby daddy. I am in love, and this love is not going to dump me at the altar. I have seen players like Nika Mühl and Paige Bueckers develop their skills at the University of Connecticut over the span of four years, unlike my one with Duke. Almost every plotline is completed, and there are no cliffhangers.
At the end of the womens college basketball season, top graduating players declare for the WNBA draft. They have four or more years of college experience. However, male college basketball players only need to be 19 years old with one year out of high school to declare for the NBA draft.
In recent years, the womens college basketball viewership has grown exponentially. In this year’s March Madness championship, both male and female games had larger audiences. Unsurprisingly, the womens championship game drew almost four million more viewers than the men’s, making it the most watched collegiate basketball game since 2019.
These statistics do not lie, and people are starting to agree with me. Womens college basketball is superior to mens. The downfall of mens college basketball has begun, and I am seated courtside with a bucket of popcorn.
