An otherwise unsuspecting vehicle, the food truck serving lunch to hundreds of Upper Campus students every day is more than what meets the eye. After being under investigation by the FBI for years, part of the bright red mystery has been solved.
The mundane, run-of-the-mill food truck is really a mobile facility for an alien species, from unicorns to dragons and wizards straight out of fairy tales. Despite being known for figuring out anomalous activity around the world, the FBI remains baffled by the absurdity of the reality and is still trying to figure out what to make of it. They have, however, identified the main culprit of the operation: Head of Upper Campus Gabriel Lemmon.
“Uhh, it totally, definitely, obviously wasn’t me,” Lemmon said. “Do you all really believe those dumb FBI agents over your trustworthy principal?”
The food truck originally opened at the beginning of the 2022-23 school year as a replacement for Upper Campus’s former kitchen; however, this truck seemingly appeared out of nowhere, and left many students wondering where and why it got there.
“The food system at Upper was working just fine before the food truck came,” freshman Kayden Ge said.
The food truck serves as a facility for housing extraterrestrial beings. Aliens of all shapes, colors, and sizes have been spotted occasionally roaming inside the truck. From bipedal creatures resembling humanoid beings to small, tentacled entities floating in containment tanks, the variety of alien life forms housed within is astonishing. This raises concerns about whether the aliens are kept away from the food contents inside the truck.
“Now that I think about it, I do remember an odd day when I bit into something a little more than my usual hot dog,” Ge said.
But it’s not just housing aliens students are concerned with, many students have reported hearing Lemmon communicate with the beings, supposedly discussing new menu options. Some of these ideas are just flat out disgusting; for example, the Surprise Stew is allegedly made from fermented unicorn gallbladders and marinated duck eyeballs.
“I overheard a conversation between [the alien and Lemmon]; it seemed as though they were talking about adding some ‘Cosmic Taco’ and a ‘Supernova Sandwich’ to the lunch menu,” freshman Arya Bhaskar said. “I threw up hearing the ingredients.”
Ge has uncovered the motive behind Lemmon’s secret operation. On Tuesday, Ge snuck into Lemmon’s office after he had left for lunch and reviewed Lemmon’s last phone conversation.
“He was talking to some woman about them not meeting this month’s quota,” Ge said. “It seems as though the current lunch system is operating at a loss; Lemmon had to use other worldly ingredients to make a profit.”
Could the woman on the other side be part of the mystery? The FBI and our student witnesses are still piecing together the whole story. Meanwhile, the next time you contemplate enjoying your delicious barbecue chicken sandwich on a Friday afternoon, consider this: you might be consuming more than you paid for. In a universe where aliens land on Earth, it appears that anything could end up on your plate – even a dish from a galaxy far, far away.
